I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize