were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
