I CAN MOONWALK!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
