Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize