Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
