she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
