College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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