Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
