Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
