What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
