I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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