And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
PANTIES FOUND
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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