had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
