Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
where are my eyebrows?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
