I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
