Pants 0. Shit 1.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
