Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fill condoms, not promises.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize