Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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