just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
