Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
