She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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