My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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