I puked a lego.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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