i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
