apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
