Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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