Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
