i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
