walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
