On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize