he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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