The maid of honor just puked.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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