Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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