Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
