i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
