so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
