if i can run in heels then i can drive
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
