just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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