Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
