I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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