where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
