doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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