the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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