my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
