I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were trust falling into bushes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
