There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
