He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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