Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize