im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
