My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
