Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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