I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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