can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
