just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
