is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
