I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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