So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
