Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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