So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
