Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
