You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
