Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
