There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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