my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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