my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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