You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
this hospital has no fireball
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
