You just made me feel so damn special
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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