They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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