she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
