We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
